I am angry today and have been for a few days now. My body has betrayed me in ways I never saw coming and faster than I thought would happen. As most of you know my lungs have been giving me trouble that makes it difficult to even get up and go to the kitchen, as of yesterday it got so bad that I almost pass out and can’t get a grip on my heart racing or calm my breathing. I use oxygen 24/7 but it doesn’t help with the new issues and the nurse tells me today that my left lung has diminished since last week. I can’t even cry because it impairs my breathing even more so the frustration level only increases. I was told back in May that I had 3-6 months but God spoke to my heart and said I would make it to the end of the year, I am trusting God for this but I never thought what would happen to my body in the process. Will I become bed ridden, unable to do anything at all for myself? I’m scared and yet I know that God still has me in his hands. My faith remains strong and part of me feels guilty for being angry at this body which seems to be trying to destroy my peace, I know this is Satan using my body and I know that God is allowing me to experience this to strengthen me spiritually but it’s still scary. When I started this blog 2 years ago I promised my readers that I would be completely honest about everything and even though it’s hard to admit this now, I have to keep my promise.
“Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought but the Spirit itself maketh intersession for us with groaning which cannot be uttered.”