October 17- Jesus Suffered More

There is so much to tell so I will start where this particular journey began, Monday October 6. I went in for bilateral hip x-rays that Monday fully expecting to discover arthritis but instead, while downtown having special teas made I received a call from Dr.McNulty informing me that I had a femoral fracture that would require screws. Within 2 hours the orthopedic nurse called to set an appointment that would later be changed twice to the final date of October 8 with Dr.Hannum, I was warned to put no weight on that side as it was likely to cause a complete break. Now I hate to be limited so I ran the errands needed and got the house in order (slower than my usual speedy Gonzales self!) all the while scared to death I would actually break my bone and it would be my fault. Knowledge does not prevent stupidity!!! Thank goodness my father in heaven knows his stubborn child and protected me from myself. Dad,mom,Marty and I met with the doctor Wednesday, he reviewed the x-rays, ordered more for his own peace of mind and after 45 minutes and an excellent explanation of what was going he made his decision. I would need a complete hip replacement and he wanted to do it Saturday! We also got a good look at the full body scans from August and was shocked to see so much cancer taking over my body. Have you ever felt that things were happening to fast and you had no way to slow them down, like your whole life and world was no longer yours? At that moment and until yesterday that is how I felt. I have spent a lot and I do mean a lot of time trying to understand God’s reason for allowing all of this happening now and wasted time fearing the “next” cancer calamity. As someone that trusts God completely and knows better than to worry for the future, I was also feeling guilty.
October 10-
My friend Valarie took Marty and I to Cape Fear so that I could get checked in and have pre-surgery tests and blood typing done. By 8 I was tucked in tight in room 6 of the ICU, I have never had such good care from so many loving nurses and staff which is ironic because I didn’t want to be in ICU but once again God knew what was ahead for me and surrounded me with wonderful people. Just another example of a loving father providing for his child. I felt completely unworthy,and out of control terrified for the first time in my life. The rest of the evening was spent making decisions on how to be put to sleep (I opted for as deep as possible!) and family time. My brother Rick and sister-n-law Carol surprised me by coming from P.A and I was so happy to see them. Eventually everyone went home(mom offered to stay several times) and I was left alone with my thoughts and my God, time for a big talk.
October 11-
The last thing I remember before being wheeled into surgery was someone saying that I forgot to take off my toe ring! After spending time in recovery I was finally returned to room 6 where eventually friends and family could come visit, I am blessed to have a lot of both. As you can imagine the first day after surgery is spent resting and vital checks, meds for pain and so forth, the next day is where the torture, oops I meant to say recovery begins!
October 12-
The first time I was asked to stand up(assisted by a walker and nurse) I experienced the kind of pain nightmares are made of. I broke down and cried uncontrollably for what seemed like forever all the while being held and comforted by my nurse. At that moment I was certain I would never make it through this process they call recovery, but with patience and encouragement I got up and made it about 15 steps (I am certain that swimming through shark infested waters would have been more fun) then returned to my room. As days went by I made more and more progress and by Tuesday I was back home.
October 15-
The home care nurse and therapist came out today. My right leg is swollen twice the size of the left but each day will bring less pain and swelling. I have to remind myself that as of tomorrow it will only be 1 week since surgery though it seems much longer and things do not progress as quickly as I would like. I also remind myself that God’s timing (in all things) is perfect and that if I will rest in that knowledge I will have peace. I am tired,in pain,and at times very sad but always God’s child and his concern! This is enough for me.
October 16-
Went for chemo today but they have decided that for now that will be put on hold because I will need radiation again. We go on Tuesday to plan radiation, Wednesday for follow up with Dr.Hannum, and at some point the port will have to be replaced because it has a kink in it and is unusable.
As always I am thankful for your prayers and concern, I will keep you posted as things unfold.

Proverbs 10