Well another week has come and gone and another doctors appointment this past Thursday that left us with no answers and plenty of frustration. According to my doctor I “fell” through the cracks and should have heard from the specialist regarding MBC trials. Now I don’t expect to be at the front of the line but I’m not o.k with falling through the cracks either. My greatest concern is that there are no drugs keeping new tumors from forming, not that the drugs we have used in the past did much good at stopping tumors from forming either! My point is that I am completely exposed or rather my bones and organs are. So far radiation has helped with bone tumors and I have been incredibly blessed not to have my organs attacked, I have read that it tops the chart in the pain department. If I get a headache or stomach pains I find myself thinking “Oh my gosh, is this coming from a tumor?” and though I put my trust in God at all times I am very aware that he can allow anything to happen to me in order to use me. Trusting God does not mean not fearing pain it just means trusting him to get you through it. I am thankful that I have not faced the difficulties my fellow cancer fighters have and I feel guilty at times for not suffering more, especially when I see people that I care deeply for dealing with loved ones with cancer. My emotions are all over the map these days, and at times I could almost convince myself that my pains are from arthritis rather than cancer and then there are times that I think I’ll wake up and cancer will have attacked with a vengeance, making up for all the good days that I’ve had. I have long conversations with God telling him everything on my mind (he already knows) but it makes me feel better just talking to him about my fears and concerns, getting them off my chest and into his hands where they belong. I don’t understand how people can go through life without having a relationship with God or how they find peace in the middle of a storm. I guess they never find real peace just what they’ve convinced themselves is peace. How sad. If I’m rambling I’m gonna blame it on the drugs, prescription of course! Anyway, as it stands I am suppose to call my doctor back if I don’t hear from the specialist by next Friday but I agree with my dad, I think I’ll call Thursday instead, I don’t want to spend a weekend wondering what’s going on. Until then let’s all keep praying for our people that are dealing with a wide range of ailments right now, and never stop believing in the power of prayer and God’s love and mercy.
When the storms of life are raging
drop down to your knees…
When the storms of life are raging
call on me…
When the storms of life are raging
I will hear your pleas…
When the storms of life are raging
only I can bring you peace.
GOD
Mark 4:39
“And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.
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