June 27- God’s plans for me are perfect.

Where do I begin?   I’ve missed a lot of church due to the fact that every time I get up and move around my oxygen drops and my heart starts racing, it takes several minutes to recover and it’s scary.    I did make it to church last night and had the chance to see my partner in Cancer Paul Upton and we were able to catch up on all the “medical” stuff that will drive you crazy because we seem to know more than the doctors actually know.  Let me say right now that though I have been through a lot my friend Paul has endured far more than I could ever imagine and he works in the garden for many hours creating a beautiful scenery as well as growing vegetables.   We each have our own unique set of cancer related problems but God has kept us going and using us for His purpose.   Now I will update you on me!  I will no longer be seeing my oncologist for anything, Hospice has taken over and they have their own doctors to report to and get orders from regarding my health.  I have been having intermittent chest pains that are sharp but don’t last very long, my hips have been hurting again and since the left one popped out I have become paranoid about every move I make.   I know that Satan has been trying to steal my peace but prayer is far more powerful than anything Satan can think up.  It would be easy to wallow in all that I have “lost” in the past few months but it’s much easier to think on what God has replaced all of that with.  Sitting still and resting has never been something that I was good at but having to do so now has given me the opportunity to reflect on where God has brought me from and where he has me now.   I’m certain that he isn’t going to leave me sitting here doing mindless things so I wait patiently (o.k not so patiently) for God to invite me to work with him on whatever wonderful thing he has waiting.   One of the advantages of resting is that I have really been able to go deep in the Bible Study we are doing which I did about 4 years ago but this time around it has had a profound effect on me.   God is always working on me and around me and there are times when it is so emotionally overwhelming that I can’t praise him or thank him enough.   I find myself wondering what my last days will be like now that my body has started to show real changes and yes that can be scary but I know that friends and family will be around and mama will be here for me as much as I need her to be.   The time is fast approaching where I will no longer be able to work and I’ve made arrangements for my people to be cared for but it’s hard because these women are more family to me than anything else.   Hey! one of the perks of my cancer progressing is that I eat anything and anytime day or night without gaining weight.  I have been on a doughnut kick like you wouldn’t believe!   If i don’t get diabetes it will surprise me but it won’t kill me!!

Well I think that about covers everything for now, if anything new comes up I’ll blog it.

Romans 11: 33

“Oh the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God!  how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!”