This past week has been a test of endurance, the new med’s I’m on have honored me with a nasty side effect; mouth ulcers. Now these are painful and difficult to deal with for the bravest of us but the darn things aren’t just limiting my food choices they are interfering with my talking!! Uhhhh, can you imagine me not being able to talk? not that I can’t talk but some of the ulcers rub against my teeth so when I talk they get irritated and then, so do I. The nurse called in an old remedy called Duke’s Miracle Mouthwash which is suppose to do several things: numb them, relieve swelling, protect from infection and spreading. So far all I see is numbing for about 15 minutes so I also use extra strength orajel which numbs everything but burns like the dickens, now the P.A and I agree that pure coconut oil allowed to melt in my mouth may work better than the rest. It’s actually amazing what coconut can do for your health. O.K. enough of that let’s talk about today’s doctor’s visit. By the way, why do they say VISIT? it’s not like we sit around drinking coffee and shooting the breeze for heavens sake. (Focus Robyn) As I started to say, my white cells and hemoglobin are way down which leaves me open to infection and all kinds of fun stuff. As for the ulcers, once they clear up and if they come back I will discontinue the new med’s. I discussed it with the P.A and she confirmed that the med’s aren’t playing any part in quality of life merely maybe, and I do mean MAYBE giving me a couple more months. If I drop these med’s we can always try the ” NEXT ” in what has been a very long line of drugs. Cancer doesn’t just beat up your body it beats the tar out of your mind. I don’t often allow myself to get emotional about my situation, I feel like it’s a waste of time and energy plus crying always leaves my face looking like I went 10 rounds with a prize fighter and lost big time! (not a pretty picture. ) However there are times when I seem to have no control and the tears just come, such was the case when I developed more than the original mouth ulcer. I think that I may have control issues but hey… maybe God takes the little things and uses them to make me let go and release all the emotions I try so hard to ya know, say it with me…control! If I had to count all the things I have learned and all the changes I have had to make since being diagnosed we would be here til the cows came home.(where did the cows go that they had to come home?) I get tickled sometimes when I think about the silly things we say. My favorite, and you’ll recognize this if you’re southern: Well bless her heart! Now only a southerner knows that “bless her heart” is an insult wrapped in sugar soaked words. How did I get off on this? oh yeah, silly things we say.
Let’s get back on track here. My next appointment is the 7th of January and by then we should know if these new med’s are working and hopefully my white cells and hemoglobin will be back up. I’ve been thinking about how fast time flies and about the upcoming year and the truth is that no matter how much I have planned and how prepared I think that I am, when I think about those final days I get scared. Not scared of dying, scared of what it will be like for myself and my family. I would give both my lungs (but they have tumors) to be able to have like a really great day with my family and then just kind of drift off to Jesus. How cool would that be? Family fun one minute, Jesus the next!!
Philippians 4: 11-13
“Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
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