Last week was pretty normal and I spent most of my free time reading and studying bible passages. I have a terrible time with memorizing and it bugs me because how am I suppose to “hide his word” away in my heart and use it for good if I can’t even get it memorized in the first place? If I am lucky enough to get a verse or verses committed to memory the darn thing evaporates the minute I want to recall it! So I have been wondering why this is the case. I like to blame it on the drugs I have to take but somewhere deep inside I wonder if there isn’t more to it than that. After much pondering I have decided that God must have a reason for this and I will just continue to do my best. This week was much more exciting than last week, on Tuesday I went to the doctor with Starr and Robert for an ultrasound and got to see the baby again, he is currently 5lb.5oz and has plenty of hair. 3 and 4D ultrasounds are so cool but there is always a point during the scan that the baby looks like an alien about to pop out of mama’s belly button and take over the world! Anyway…..Thursday was my appointment and that meant 3 shots, 2 in places I will leave to the imagination which is where I wish I could leave the pain, regardless how short lived it may be. The bone shot in my arm didn’t burn this time and that was a surprise blessing but as always the other 2 left me sore and swollen. I also had my port flushed and asked the doctor to send in a script for the arthritis in my hip because the over the counter stuff just doesn’t cut it. I awoke at 1:30 this morning with the onset of nausea but it is always manageable and I am thankful for that. I never forget for a second that there are those who suffer so much worse from the meds that are meant to make them feel better. Actually most meds for cancer aren’t meant to make you “feel better “they are meant to make you better and usually end up making you sick as a dog in the process. I also believe with all my heart that the reason I am no worse than I am is because of all the constant prayers from caring people. I am the most thankful for that because there really is power in prayer. I have been praying a lot for my sister recently, she is facing some tests that I pray will come out in her favor, please pray for her as well, her name is Sheila. I have blogged a lot lately about our words and how we use them, reminding us all to be a reflection of Jesus so it was quite a surprise to me when I caught myself being less than angelic toward my husband 2 Sundays ago as we were leaving for church. Marty had gone out to start the jeep so the a/c could start cooling but when he shut the door to come back inside he locked the keys in the running jeep! I snapped at him and was immediately aware of 2 things, the first was that I had not treated him with the same patience or understanding that I would have anyone else. The second was that I always kept a spare set of keys in my bag which was hanging on my shoulder! So why did I snap at him when I am certain that I would not have reacted the same toward my kids or granddaughter if they had been the ones to lock the keys in the jeep? I have thought about this a lot and I do mean a lot because we need to understand our behavior in order to change it. I have a list of reasons that I am sure most spouses would understand but I won’t list them because the bottom line is that I acted however briefly in a manner that did not reflect the love of Jesus. I did apologize to Marty and took responsibility for my actions but it was a reminder of the old saying “we always hurt the ones we love” and it’s because we feel safest with them. This is no excuse and setting a godly example should start at home with the people you love the most. As painful as it may be, being humbled is good for the soul!! I’ll take growing in God’s love and grace any day of the week.
James 1:22
Be ye doers of the word and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.
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