April 3-No matter how dark it gets, God is my light.

Today is Easter Friday “Good Friday” and I’ve had a good day. I spent the day in Leland, I got to give my brother Brian his first haircut from me! he didn’t cry or yell so it must be o.k!! He left me a beautiful card and gift card to Olive Garden on my windshield, I almost missed it til Mama pointed it out! Thank you little bro, it wasn’t necessary but it sure was thoughtful. After I left there I was almost hit coming off the bridge then again in the Walmart parking lot, people are crazy but as with everything in my life, God was looking out for me. That brings me to yesterdays news. As most of you know I was scheduled for labs, see the doc, and chemo but we never got to chemo. I told you all earlier that I was having specific pain in my left tibia and I suspected tumors so the doc sent me for x-rays. Just a couple hours later Dr.McNulty called to tell me that it was sclerosis and I would need radiation again (first appointment Tuesday the 7th). What all of this comes down to is that the chemo is not working and unless he can find a trial that fits my specifics we have come to the end of what seems like a long journey but in reality has been just over a year. The thing is that I don’t know how I feel. I’m not scared but I’m not ready to be done either, I’m not exactly angry but I’m mad at a cancer that refuses to respond to treatment for more than a couple of months before needing something new. I’m not a quitter but I’m tired! I’m afraid of what’s next. If there is nothing more then what about the pain? Chemo helped keep that from being unbearable by keeping the tumors from growing at a fast rate. Without chemo I feel certain that George will begin to grow again and more tumors will follow. I feel like a ship without a sail just floating on the ocean waiting to see what happens next and I hate it..I am the kind of person that needs to have a plan for everything I do. It is in these moments (after I work through my feelings) that I remind myself that God has never left me, He has kept me safe, given me wisdom to know my own body which has helped the doctor with my treatment, and given me peace when I thought none could be found.
Tuesday I will find out how many radiation treatments I’ll need this time, when those are finished I’ll see the doc again and discuss our next move. On the up side maybe my eyelashes will grow back, I have too many wigs to care if my hair grows back or not!! Anyway, I’ll keep you up to date and continue blogging as God continues to work in my life.

Psalm 3:1 4-5

Pull me out of the net that they have laid privily for me: for thou art my strength.
Into thine hand I commit my spirit: thou hast redeemed me, O Lord God of truth.