Another busy week filled with therapy and radiation. My parents and I met with my doctor Thursday and after much conversation and many questions, all answered to our satisfaction, we have decided to cancel the trip to Chicago. Now before you start thinking that I’ve lost my mind I want you to consider this: every step of the way I have asked for and followed God’s direction, always praying for guidance. The very minute the plane reservations were made I had the very strong feeling that I had made a huge mistake. I prayed for God to made things clear and when I met my parents at the doctors office I mentioned this feeling to Mama J. When I told my doctor everything that had transpired since my last visit, he promised to support any decision that I made and to continue to be my doctor but he wasted to time and mixed no words that C.T.C.A was a scam, they could not offer anything there that I couldn’t get here. It turns out that daddy had felt the same way as the doctor but not mentioned it to me because he wanted to be supportive (next time speak your mind father dear, I count on the bluntness that I have come to love and rely on) I pointed out that I had asked staff for the name of an acupuncturist and got nothing, he said that I should have asked him(he gave me the name of one) also, Genomic testing can be done at Chapel Hill. As you know, weeks earlier after being told that there were no more chemo options here I wasted no time taking control and calling C.T.C.A, I should have waited for and trusted my doctor to look out for me. As it turns out he has been waiting to hear back from a Dr.Kerry who specializes in M.B.C, she may have a trial specific to my cancer. Chapel Hill can do the genomic testing and if necessary my doctor can use a combination of chemo meds to slow the growth. I am not good at waiting and have always been very proactive when it comes to my body, so this is just another example of me getting ahead of God’s plan in my attempt to have some sort of control. I am not a sidelines kind of girl but God keeps benching me, no doubt for my own good! This has been (and still is) the hardest lesson for me to learn: Be still and let God (he doesn’t need my help!) I am completely at peace with my decision and have no doubt that this is what God had for me all along. Thank you all for your continued prayers, maybe you are learning too as we take this journey together! I have no idea what’s next but I do know that God is leading the way, until then I guess I’m Benched!!!
Philippians 1:9-10
“And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgement;That ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offense til the day of Christ.”
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