This past week has been a trial and a lesson in slowing down, I’m not very good at slowing down especially when there is so much to do. I was free of chemo this week but Marty needed to see the nurse for a coumaden check, his blood was a little thick and we don’t know why so his meds needed adjusting. On the same day and 1 hour apart our youngest dog had an appointment at the vet. Under normal conditions the time frame would have been perfect, Marty’s appointment only takes 10 minutes. I did say under normal conditions right? Well when I checked him in (everything is done by screen and you do it yourself)after I filled out all the questions and hit finish I forgot to hit print. Well because it didn’t print out his sheet he wasn’t put in the system as waiting! 30 minutes later I asked the nurse what was going on and discovered the problem, so we were running 30 minutes behind. Not a good way for me to do anything, I hate being late or being under the gun. I was tempted to pray and ask God for patience but thought better of it asking instead for a better attitude! After we get Marty squared away we rush home to harness up Stella and get her to the vet(we arrived with 10 minutes to spare) lesson? worry is fruitless and causes wrinkles!!! Stella gets checked out, meds prescribed, now I wait to pay. This is crazy because the waiting room is full of dogs, some are very large dogs which Stella apparently doesn’t notice because she actually growled at a German Shepard that I can only guess must have weighed 120 lbs. Now Stella is on the chunky monkey side but still….. So I’m very tired, pain level is growing at an alarming rate, I’m getting very cranky and all the while reminding myself that my actions and words are a reflection on God. I want to cry or scream because I’ve already stood in line 20 minutes while the pain and frustration keep increasing. Finally finished we leave and I still need to stop at the grocery store, get home and cook dinner. I can feel the anger growing but I don’t understand why, this causes me to fight back tears because I know that my attitude is wrong and it hurts my heart to know that it’s wrong and feel like I have no control. Hang with me cause there is a moral to all this chaos! Back at home and dinner under way, Marty under foot I get it done. My husband comes in and wants to make rice which really tics me off because I just spent 45 minutes(in pain) cooking for him and he wants RICE!! A normal person could have cared less. I actually thought about how Mama J would have reacted and was ashamed of myself.
Now all of his happened on a Thursday and my pain continued to get worse and my attitude didn’t fare much better but I set my mind on memorizing scripture (I don’t care who you are or how mad you get, you can’t stay that way while reading God’s words). Saturday I needed to run a few errands but cut it short because I was hurting. Now here’s the reason for all this drama, I was only taking 30 mg of morphine a day instead of 150 mg! Why you ask? well it’s really very simple, I forgot to fill my prescription and didn’t notice I wan’t taking the full dosage until last night. How does this happen you say? Easy, I was too focused on everything else and forgot about ME. Now one of my favorite scriptures is 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20 it’s about your body being the temple of God, and I must admit that I was not taking very good care of God’s temple, it was falling apart and I was the reason. Friends and family are always admonishing me to slow down and not do too much, I know they are right but I tend to do my own thing anyway. When I read God’s commandment on caring for my body I tend to behave a little better, I mean who wants to be responsible for messing up God’s temple right? Anyway, I took 6 15 mg morphine last night which eased the pain in short form but also kept me close to home because of tummy trouble, went today and had all meds filled and now I am a happy camper again!! Yippie for me and those who live with me too! So… through every minute of this craziness and all the pain and frustration, the only permeating thought that weighed heavy on my heart was this: what did my actions and attitude look like to others? I never used to worry about what others thought of me but what has become all to real to me now is that it’s not what they think of me but rather what do they think of God’s representative? All too often people are turned off or away from salvation because of an errant christian, I don’t want to be the reason anyone doubts real Christianity or God’s ability to change a persons life and heart. I now see what a heavy responsibility this is and to be honest, it scares me. All things considered…it should. I love the quote that says: “The test of a mans true character lies in what he does when no one is looking.” This should be true especially true for we Christians. There was a time not so long ago that I wished I could be a perfect example of God’s grace and I felt like a failure every time I fell short, but I now see that if every situation is handled perfectly then I will never grow and this, I believe is what real growing pains are all about!!!
1 Corinthians 6: 19-20
What! Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.
Leave a Reply